When to start dating again after separation

6854933580_2c8b688306_z

Dear Eliza, Sorry to say, but there’s not really a one-size-fits-all answer to this question.

Consider the number of variables involved in answering: Are there children involved?

But I thought it was an important question, which is why I want to analyze it with you. I made the conscious decision to move on instantly.

The only “right” answer is “whenever it feels right, as long as you’re not hurting anybody else.” The thing is: you might be surprised when you’re hurting someone else. The best example I can provide is from my own life. To me, it was the equivalent of being fired from a job. I was in no position to be a boyfriend to anyone but my beloved ex-girlfriend. My need to move on superseded her need to be with an emotionally available guy…. If so – if you’ve mourned, if you’ve healed, if you’ve made peace – then you’re ready whenever you say you’re ready.

This action has a three year statute of limitations and doesn’t require sexual relations, unlike an action for “criminal conversation”.

Even if you did not begin dating someone until after the date of separation, a suspicious former spouse may see the new boyfriend or girlfriend as the cause of the marriage’s end and bring a court action.

If your relationship with your ex isn't emotionally resolved for both of you, then it's a bad idea to date before the divorce is final.

If you're still seething with negative emotions about the end of your marriage, it's going to be hard to hide that fact from anyone you're interested in dating.

Under North Carolina General Statute 50-6, a couple must be separated for one year before a divorce is final.

Even though separated, you are still technically married until the court enters the order granting the divorce.

You don’t sit around for six months waiting to heal. On the other hand, there are a completely different set of emotions surrounding a break-up. Well, it pretty much meant that I got back on JDate, found myself a cool girl a few hours later and was hooking up with her shortly thereafter. Three years later, we’re still friends and grab dinner once a month. This pattern, by the way, continued for a few months (and a few more women), until I was truly and finally “over” my ex. You need to be “over” someone in order to be able to date. When you’re reeling from a break-up, all you can do is RECEIVE. I remember reading once upon a time that people need half the length of the relationship to heal properly. Great blog Evan, I think you are right, you might feel like you want to be in someone elses company, but it´s just not fair on the other person.

You must have an account to comment. Please register or login here!